How Long Does It Take For A Guy To Know That You’re The One?

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I’m sure many of you, who read these Hump day blogs, likely are seeking a mate, are already in a committed relationship – or as some would say, a “situationship”.

Well, this blog isn’t for those who are still trying to figure out if the person that they are with even likes them or is in a sea of perpetual drama. This blog is exclusively for women who are either in a relationship with a guy or desires to be in a relationship with a guy.

I am going to explain to you how long it takes for a guy to know that you’re the one.

And what makes me qualified to actually address this? Well, that’s easy—because of my credentials.

I’m a guy. And, I’ve spoken to other men who feel exactly the same way I do.

So, what I’m about to share, is not only free, but arguably true for all men.

Here I go. *Drumroll, please*

We know almost immediately. Maybe a second date at the longest.

But allow me to qualify that.

Initially, we are smitten by your physical beauty—no doubt. Even your eyes, smile, and radiant personality has a way to knock us off our feet.

However, to be honest, we see fine women all the time. I mean, let’s not get it twisted—it never gets old. Never. That said, we are talking about someone who falls into the wife zone—not just another pretty woman that we can go brag to the homies that we’ve met. But when we start to engage you in conversation, the sound of your voice, the receptivity of our exchange, and the openness that you display can be quite uncanny. In addition, the level of appropriate transparency is very cool. Now, to fully appreciate everything I’ve said here, it may take up to two dates. Maybe just the first one actually—the second date verifies what we think we’ve already surmised.

Now—just because we know this doesn’t mean we are about to go into debt right away and buy a ring. But what it does mean is that in our mind, you’ve been given a level of priority over other women, and in most cases, we are likely to shut down dating possibilities with all other women to focus on you. Why? Because we don’t want there to be a chance of someone else disrupting the potential.

There was this guy I worked with some years ago. His name is Thomas. He was actually dating a woman casually at the time he met the woman who became his wife. Although they met just as co-workers, he immediately broke it off with the other woman. I want you women to get this: Without anything formally guaranteed with the co-worker that he was moved by, he shut down that casual situation. He cleaned his dating slate. They married the next year. And the woman Thomas married had no idea that he was interested in her until months later.

The key here is that HE KNEW she was the one.

So, ladies—when a guy says to you, “You know, you’re a great woman—but I’m just not sure right now about a commitment,” and it’s been a few years, you should cut bait.

One more piece of clarity and then I’m out; and ladies you’ll be free to get back to pining over the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle engagement (whom also admittingly knew she was the one the very first time they met).

Keep this in mind ladies—while he may know that you’re the one, it still make take some time for him to make it official with you. It might even take longer than a year in some cases—just depends. If he determines that you’re freakin’ special, it may inspire him to get his act together so that he can legitimately pursue you for an exclusive commitment. Not just putting away his black book, but maybe getting out of his apartment and buying a home, improving his financial outlook and credit, taking better care of himself in terms of weight, grooming, etc. He may even rearrange his work schedule to accommodate for discretionary time to see you. And, here’s the big one: he may very well put up clear boundaries with his baby mama (or mamas) to ensure that the dynamics of his previous relationship and child custody does not encroach on his personal endeavors with you (one could argue that he should have that in order anyway but better late than never).

Anyway, I hope this is helpful ladies. But please—chime in with your thoughts. Guys, you too…perhaps I overlooked a few things.


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Showing 4 comments
  • Stephanie L Farmer

    Very very insightful information! I would also like to add a few things based upon my experience as well as from my experiences with men. Everything that Kerry has stated is very consistent with what all men have shared with me. I would also like to add that timing does play a role as well and Kerry does mention this and its definitely a consideration as all relationships that are meant to be will continue to evolve over time. I would also like to add the following…I may be setting myself up to submit a blog but this is something men should know: most women (me included) know how far a man can get with us as far as dating and a relationship when we first meet them. It works both ways…so if a man sees a woman and feels she may be the one…he needs to use the right tone when initiating a conversation with her. Here is a BIG TIP: Think about what makes her different..if it’s simply because you think she is pretty keep it moving…because five other men in the room within shouting distance think so too. If it’s her style, a book she is reading, or something more tangible than just bring attractive, start with that..if you want to know more about this subject come to a Keeping it 💯 Event!

  • Paula

    There are some great tidbits in there Kerry, I’m impressed!

  • Marvin

    There’s no laundry to air out in this blog! We wear this truth everyday! Good job man!!

  • Kerry Neal

    Yeah—hopefully sistahs will read this and get a clue if they’re not up on game. #blackmarriagemovement #keepingit100la #ki100

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