3 Reasons Why Relationships Aren’t Hard (They’re Just Not Easy) – A Guy’s Perspective

Home / KeepingIt100 / 3 Reasons Why Relationships Aren’t Hard (They’re Just Not Easy) – A Guy’s Perspective

Like Ella Mai says, ain’t nothing like being boo’d up.

Especially when you’re with the person you REALLY want to be boo’d up with. Not out of convenience, impatience or desperation. But because the two of you together make magic.

You’re rocking’ with your BAE—you’re attracted to her and she’s attracted to you. You both share similar values and interests. The ideals you both have about life aren’t necessarily on the same page verbatim, but there’s enough synergy whereas the differences aren’t deal breakers.

However, what I just described is commonly the case in the first 1-3 months of going out. It may be longer for some, but inevitably, the layers of what you’ve come to learn about each other begin to disintegrate. Meaning, new information is being introduced. You’re now learning that this person—who was so perfect and flawless, has a few issues or that the two of you aren’t on the same page about things as much as you assumed in the early stages of getting to know one another.

Let me be the first to say that some people are clearly not meant to be together. I mean, come on—did you really think that last relationship that you were in was going to work out? But then again, there are some of us who just need to accept that flawless people don’t exist. So, the billion-dollar question is this: how do we know when we should keep moving forward or simply cut bait?

Glad you asked.

Here’s my insightful, well-researched response.




That’s right. Fill in the blank with whatever you think should be the answer. Because at the end of the day, we can say what a person should or shouldn’t do, but it all boils down to what two people are willing to do to make a relationship work. For instance, let’s say the person you’re seeing likes to salsa dance. But you don’t. Well, is it wrong to salsa dance? Nope. Is it a crime to not like salsa dancing? (I imagine some of you out there might say yes) Of course, it isn’t. Is it a deal breaker? Depends if the two of you can work around that difference or the non-salsa dancing person in this example decides to take classes and learn the dance. It’s a matter of a choice. Being stubborn or being flexible. Deciding that people differ in a variety of ways and to assume that your way and standards are unchangeable, but the other person must conform is unrealistic.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is why relationships aren’t hard—they’re just not easy.

Allow me to offer three reasons why this is the case (there’s probably a lot more but let’s just go with three for the sake of this blog).

  • Allowing your unfortunate personal history to evolve into baggage instead of lessons learned. We can’t change our past. If we had a child out of wedlock or was thrown in jail for committing a crime, it is what it is. But has your experience caused you to see the world more broadly or have you just become bitter? I heard someone once say that, “The lemons in your life is really your lemonade.” Well, let me not be ambiguous. That was a quote from Mara Brock Akil, creator of the show, Love Is on the OWN Network. Peep it out when you get a chance.

I digress.


Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I’ve met some people who’ve been to hell and back. And I have found many of them to have allowed their past to refine them into extraordinary people. I would argue that victory from life’s hurdles are excellent building blocks for a long-term relationship. Just decide that you’re learning from pitfalls and don’t lug all that craziness with you into your next relationship. It’s a choice. It’s not hard—it just isn’t easy.


  • It’s not that you are ugly, you’re just unattractive. Ladies—hear this. Men are absolutely moved by physical beauty. We are—no doubt about it. But you better believe, if we get a whiff that you have a major attitude or just profoundly self-centered, your physical beauty will become meaningless to us. In addition, we men have met women who likely wouldn’t be considered physically beautiful using common Americanized standards. But their dispositions and personalities are so amazing, we become reminded of true beauty. This means that you can never go wrong being a person that is a joy to be around. This doesn’t mean neglect your appearance, but it means that at some point, who you really are and have allowed yourself to become cannot be hidden under all that MAC you’re wearing. We know society isn’t kind to Black men and women and we’ve all been scarred to some degree. But there’s nothing like having a black woman who can truly be a refuge for her black man. It’s a choice. It’s not hard—it just isn’t easy.


  • Communication. Ah—good old-fashioned communication. Ask anyone and they will tell you communication is the key to all successful relationships. Well, true. But sometimes NOT communicating is a beautiful thing. Meaning, take time to resist talking about something when you may not have all the facts at hand and especially if you’re on edge to express your viewpoint. We men can improve here as well. Some of us are so insecure we don’t even want folk giving our woman a “church” hug (that’s when two people of the opposite gender are cordial and hug without allowing their pelvis areas to touch while patting each other three times on the back. After the third pat, the hug ceases). Give us men the benefit of the doubt sometimes. But if you catch us in the wrong, you have free reign to lose your mind and go off on us.


It’s a choice. It’s not hard—it just isn’t easy.




Photo Source: Pixabay



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Showing 3 comments
  • Stephanie L Farmer


  • Kristy

    Love it!

  • Lisa Govan

    Great Blog, I look forward to the Wednesday email.

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