Part 2 – Rebounding

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This blog is the second part of a five-part series that supports the theme of our Summer Event and our Fall Master Class Series: “How Your Past is Hindering Your Future”

 

As mentioned on August 1, I decided it was time for me to be very transparent and share my past experiences as I have made a commitment to being a “Keeper” and the only way to being a “Keeper” is to not let my past hinder my future.

 

Let’s continue with Part II of the Series: Rebounding

 

I have some wonderful friends both male and female who truly love and care about me and want the best for me. All of them were very concerned and considerate when I had the break up with my ex-boyfriend (Please refer to my blog called The Point of No Return, published on August 1) especially since I did not know at the time the true reasons for the breakup and once I found out he was getting married, my heart just sank. But after some time passed, it was time for me to get back out in the dating world and meet some potential men.

 

I was certainly aware that I could easily sabotage any potential relationship going forward because of the lingering pain that I felt from my breakup with my ex-boyfriend, so I was very cautious about my body language and my conversation with any potential man I met: I wanted to stay away from the topics of any ex-boyfriends and really focus on bringing  positive energy with great conversation, being open-minded  and of course simply smiling.

 

One day one of my male friends from college told me about a gentleman friend of his that he wanted me to meet. His name was Jordan* (*Name has been changed) and he was the same age as me and had recently gotten divorced. Jordan had no children and was ready (at least this is what my friend told me) to start dating again and meet the woman who could be his next and lasting wife. So a double date was set up with me, my male friend and his wife and Jordan at a Thai food restaurant in Los Angeles on a nice summer night. Jordan came with a bouquet of flowers on our first date and was very pleasant. I decided to give him my number and he called me the next evening.

 

Jordan was very easy to talk to: he was a really nice guy who was a transplant to Southern California via Louisiana and as mentioned was recently divorced.  He started planning dates for us to go to the movies, the beach, and dinner. As nice as this sounded,  I was already starting to get the feeling that I was his rebound woman for the following reasons:

  1. Jordan talked non stop about his ex-wife and the pain he felt from his recent divorce: I heard the entire story of how they met in church, how they married at the same church where they met within 10 months of knowing each other, were married for six years, and then divorced when he found out she was cheating on him. Jordan was willing to forgive his wife for cheating and try to be a better man but his wife wanted to leave and took the lead in divorcing him.
  2. He would shift gears quickly during our conversations and also talked about how he felt I was his future wife and that he wanted to get married to me as soon as possible…sounds great, right? WRONG!!!!
  3. Even when  we went  out on a couple of dates, he found a way for us to end up passing by his ex-wife’s apartment to see if she was home and I told him that he could not do that with me in the car under any circumstances and that he should really think about stopping the act so he was not perceived to be stalking her.

I really felt bad for Jordan as I had never experienced a man being so vulnerable with me about the pain he was going through. He was in worse shape than I was at the time as I had time on my side with my recent breakup and a different perspective: I wanted to really date someone and try to look out for any clues of a man losing interest in me and know how to move on without becoming a crazy  woman in the process.

 

Once I realized I was the Rebound woman, I had no expectations of a lasting relationship with Jordan and within one month of dating, he abruptly ended things with me. I was actually ok with HIM taking the lead to end things as I already knew that he was not ready to be in a relationship and I had my emotions in check.  Plus, I believe that it may have boosted his ego in some way.

 

I told my friends who set us up not to get upset with Jordan, he was a truly a wonderful person who’s pain was very immense at the moment and he needed time.

 

I did hear from Jordan very briefly after a few months and he apologized for the abrupt end of our relationship, I had already forgiven him but I had also moved on as well, and I never heard from him again.

 

Perhaps in a very unique way, Jordan was also a rebound guy for me: I certainly needed as many opportunities as possible to test my soul and energy to be relationship ready.

 

I realized from the experience that I can only control myself and timing is so important when two people try to come together to build a relationship.

 

The real take away from this experience is that we have to really know ourselves and where we are emotionally before we engage in bringing others along for the journey.

 

 

Stay tuned for the continuing saga as follows:

Part III: Redux

Part IV: Transformation

Part V: The Journey to Becoming a Keeper

 

Just KeepingIt100,

– Stephanie

 

Photo Source: Freepik

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