Timing Is Important When It Comes To The Pursuit Of Love

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I had a very interesting discussion with my circle of friends a few weeks ago and we talked people we never expected to get married.

We talked about men we knew who spent years enjoying the single life and then the next thing we knew the man was married! 

We talked about women we knew who said they would never get married  and then they are married to a guy that no one would expect them to be married to!

Well, let me be honest, it really has a lot to do with timing.

Yes, it was about timing and there are various reasons.

Let me share a few real life examples with a few men that I know:

  • My friend Vernon enjoyed being single and decided it was time to get married when Magic Johnson first announced he was HIV Positive. Magic Johnson’s situation (at least initially) scared Vernon so much that he decided that he was going to get married to the next woman he met. Sure enough, he married the next woman he met!
  • My friend William actually stopped hanging out at singles places about six months before he met his wife to be at a wedding. It’s not so much that he had stopped dating, but he no longer found going to singles places interesting which was a sign that he was ready for a serious relationship.
  • My friend Pierre decided it was time to get married once all of the men in his circle were married, he did not want to be the “single guy out” so he met his wife through the wife of one of his friends and fortunately it worked out.

Here are a few real life examples with a few women that I know:

  • My friend Melanie was a new divorcee and had been married when she was 21 to her high school sweetheart. After being married for 10 years, she wanted to date and never felt like she had a chance to enjoy the single life like her friends. She met a wonderful man named Charles within a year of getting her divorce who really wanted a serious relationship with her, but she was not ready for a relationship and he moved on. Once Melanie realized that Charles would have been a great guy to be with after a couple of years of dating and not having any real connections with anyone, she reached out to him, and fortunately he was available and they ended up getting married.
  • My friend Tina was not over her ex-boyfriend and was not ready for a relationship with Michael, a man she met at her job who was deeply attracted to her. Michael gave Tina the space to heal and took it slow with her. Once Tina realized that she had a wonderful man who was also her best friend in Michael, she opened herself up to a serious relationship. They are engaged to be married.
  • My friend Sheila had been divorced and after going through a marriage in which she was constantly degraded by her husband, had decided that all men were dogs and she was never getting married. She confided in her colleague that she knew from volunteering at her church named Harvey who you can say was the “diamond in the rough” guy. Harvey had actually given up on being married as so many women rejected him because he was shy. But Harvey, was a hardworking man with a nice job, a home, and he enjoyed traveling. Sheila and Harvey started spending more time together and their friendship grew: she was able to encourage him to overcome his shyness. Sheila was most grateful to meet a man who treated her respectfully and saw that he was indeed amazing and they are married now.   

My point with these examples is that in every instance, it was all about timing for both the men and women. Not one of them was ready to get married until they experienced their unique “triggers and circumstances” to pursue a serious relationship. 

All of my male friends (Vernon, William, and Pierre) shared with me that getting married was more about timing than anything else and that if they had met their wives during their younger single days, more than likely, they would not have been married to them, no matter how “perfect” she may have been for them.

All of my female friends in my examples (Melanie, Tina, and Sheila) were all women who experienced disappointments in love and relationships and were afraid to commit again. It takes time for anyone’s heart to heal from the failure of a relationship. All of the women ended up committing to men who they could be vulnerable with because the men knew how to create the comfort zone that the women needed to be ready to commit. All of them shared with me that timing played a role for their readiness for a relationship.

One of the most wonderful and common stories that we all hear about all the time is how couples get married after connecting with each other after many years have passed: the marriage works because there really was a true kismet connection between the couple and the timing became right.

My fellow Keepers, my advice is to stay positive, especially if you are single and seeking a relationship, it’s all a matter of timing.

 Just Keeping it 100,

Stephanie

Picture Courtesy of @hakeemthedream

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