Peep Out that Character as Well

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OMG—the sky is falling—Saweetie broke it off with Quavo! Say it ain’t so!   

From all media reports, it appears that hip-hop sensation Saweetie has decided to end her relationship with her long-time boyfriend Quavo of another chart-topping hip-hop group, Migos. In a recent Instagram post by Saweetie, she stated, “I’ve endured too much betrayal and hurt behind the scenes for a false narrative to be circulating that degrades my character. Presents don’t band-aid scars…” And that present (at least one of the gifts she is referring to) is a Bentley he proudly surprised her with for her birthday—specially equipped with the big red bow. What a nice, bougie, and baller move, Quavo. Apparently, according to Saweetie, Quavo’s fame and gifts could not compensate for what was truly meaningful to Saweetie—decency, and respect.

 Whether Saweetie’s Best Friend wrote that Instagram post, or her PR team, she came to a place in her young life and concluded, “After some thinking, Quavo clearly is not My Type.”

I had to slide that in there.

Staying with celebrities, many of you have likely heard that HBO will be airing a special this Saturday, March 27, that captures what is being characterized as the final chapter of Tina Turner’s extraordinary life. At 81 years of age, she is unfortunately battling cancer, PTSD, and not long ago suffered from a stroke and kidney failure, leading to a kidney transplant she received a few years back. In her own words, she said, to the surprise of many, “It wasn’t a good life…the good did not balance out the bad. I had an abusive life, and there is no other way to tell the story. It is a reality. It is a truth. That is what you’ve got, so you have to accept it.”

I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that none of us, who is remotely familiar with the career of Tina Turner, despite what she went through with Ike Turner, would ever imagine that she would make a comment like that about her life—that most of her life was terrible. I guess we should have suspected something when she sang her hit song, “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” Whatever the case, as she nears the end of her life’s journey, we can learn a lot from what she said. And Saweetie, who’s only 27 years old, made comments that is also packed with wisdom and insight that we can also benefit from if we adhere to the message embedded in her quote.

Now ladies, the formula to knowing whether you are dealing with a good guy is not that difficult to figure out. The same goes for the fellas trying to figure out if they have a quality woman. And the person who has the insight on this is someone we know well.

That person is…Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. King stated, “The ultimate measure of a man (or woman) is not where he (she) stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he (she) stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Notice Dr. King did not say, “One of,” or, “Maybe.” Dr. King suggests that the best way to gauge a person is not when everything is perfect but when circumstances are less than ideal. That is when their true character shows up.

Considering the sentiments of Saweetie and Tina Turner, here are three (3) things to consider if you should continue seeing someone to formalize a deeper and more exclusive bond with them—for instance, marriage.

  1. Pay attention to how you are being treated and how the other person acts when you’re not on good terms. As MLK said, you understand what you are dealing with during challenging circumstances. If there is not a sense of bargaining and appropriate and respectful problem solving, along with other nuances that would infer the absence of toxicity, buyer beware.
  • Your internal gut alarm keeps going off for some reason. Women tend to be better at listening to their inner voice than men. Still, men will try to override a woman’s suspension with smooth moves and conversations, gifts, and physical activity, to downplay the elephant in the room. Advice—for both men and women—do not have sex until you are confident that the person you are seeing is “The One.” If you can hold out until marriage, perfect. Why? Because sex distorts reality and connects you emotionally and physically with a person and can cause you to override that internal alarm and ignore clear red flags.
  • They are emotionally unavailable. The person is fond of you, but for some reason, they will not let you in. it can be tough to get a read on them, and the communication is limited. A person that is not willing to be vulnerable—revealing unflattering aspects about themselves despite the possibility of being rejected—is not suitable for an exclusive commitment.

Remember, a mass murderer can be chivalrous, buy gifts, give thoughtful compliments, and be exceptional in bed. Make it your personal goal to make relationship decisions driven by the assessment of one’s character and not what they can do for you.

Kerry

Picture Courtesy of Tayla McKinney

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