Dating a Single Parent

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Hello Keepers,
  I  am a fan of the HBO Series Insecure. I love the show as it is so relatable on so many levels and I appreciate the fact that the show is so well written and more importantly the audience can witness relationship situations from a lens that allows us to see both the male and female perspective.


This season opens with our main man Lawrence who is embarking on major changes in his life: an amazing new job and new living standard. It’s exciting but he also has a child that was born by an ex girlfriend and he has broken up with his longtime girlfriend that he loved immensely…Issa.


The first three episodes have definitely left food for thought in terms of what is coming next and the third episode in particular struck home for me as the focus was on Lawrence, his ex girlfriend Condola and the new baby. The content of the episode certainly is dramatic and eye opening as many of the scenes are similar to the experiences that I have heard from both men and women.

I promise…I am not taking a side at all…

I do not have children…it’s a conscious choice I made as a youngster as I grew up in a healthy two parent household and just wanted to be married first before having a child. I had cousins, aunts, and uncles who were single parents and their stories were a big lesson for me about the reality of raising a child with someone you are not married to. To put it mildly, it ain’t easy at all.


Now do not get me wrong, I do not pass judgement on anyone who decides to become a single parent. There are so many amazing people who have been raised in a single parent household and there are amazing single parents both male and female.


As I have been dating men for quite some time it has not been out of the ordinary for me to date a man with children. I will say that it’s important for me to date a man who loves his children and makes being a good dad a priority. So a stereotyped “deadbeat” dad would not interest me at all.


In my experience, I can share that there have been times when I have had men cancel dates on me because of a sudden obligation with their children. There are times when I have heard stories about the disagreements they have with the mothers of their children. There are times when men have told me that the child support they pay each month  leaves them just about broke and making ends meet is very tough.


So I do my best to be supportive and flexible because as mentioned it’s not easy on anyone in the situation. I do also remain neutral as I always want to respect the mothers of the children.  It’s always my desire that no matter what, the children are receiving what is best and it’s a decision between the parents. 


For me it’s been pretty cool dating single dads: I never have to wonder what kind of dad a single dad will be as I see him in action and it wonderful seeing a man take care of his children. It’s a positive and wonderful sign of his character.

I also want to give a shout-out to the single mothers who juggle work, children, and other obligations simultaneously. Dating as a single mother is hard as in many cases and the good news is that women are not being stigmatized as hard as they once were years ago: a woman with children can marry and remarry happily.

Going forward, blended families are definitely the future and children need and deserve the stability in their lives. Let’s remember that we want to continue a legacy of supporting a strong community and that happens through Love, commitment, and perseverance.

Just Keeping it 💯,

Stephanie

Picture Courtesy of @blackcouplerevolution

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