Why Are You Choking?

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Before we get started with this blog, I’m really going to have to ask you to get your mind out of the gutter.


I’ll give you a few moments.


Dribbling fingers, thumping the table…


Done? Good. Now let me ask the question again—why are you choking?


Let me be a bit clearer,


In Philippians 4:6, the Bible reads, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Now let’s note the bolded word here—anxious. I’m not certain of a lot of things, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that we all know what it means to be anxious. You know—worry, to be full of concern. But what you may not know, at least here in the New Testament of the Bible, the word anxious in its original language (Greek) is the word, “merimna” or mah-rim-nah. This word means, “To choke or slowly take away one’s life.

When someone is being choked, they don’t die immediately. But if the strangle persists, at some point all air is cut off and death ensues.

I’m not trying to get super spiritual and all…well, I take that back—I am. But for good reason. Here the Bible instructs us to take our concerns to God rather than ponder needlessly over things that we can’t control or have the power to direct. Release it and give it to God.

Now, where am I going with this?

Worrying can make us do some dumb stuff. I mean, for real. We compromise ourselves, our reputation, and, lower our standards just because we are fearful of the future. Now let’s apply this to relationships.

I hear a lot of women talk about the frequency that they see black men date and marry white women. Then there are trends and statistics that suggest the more successful a black woman is (education/career) dramatically reduces her chances of ever marrying within her race. So, because many of our black women want to keep it in the community, perhaps they find that black man but knows in advance that he isn’t worthy of their commitment, time and energy. But, for whatever reason, these sisters succumb to their fears and settle for relationships that are toxic and destructive. Then there are men who will do the very same thing—deal with women they know aren’t right for them—only to get disappointed. That leads to the blame game—every woman now is up to no good. Nothing worse than a jaded brother especially when it comes to discussing dating good women. I was talking to a good friend recently and he’s convinced that there are no good women out there.

Let’s talk about statistics…stats are based on the notion that there are some things that fall into one category and some fall into another. In this case, some black men will marry white women. Some black women will marry white men. But you know what? Not ALL black men and women will marry outside their race. Guess what? You don’t have to be a statistic.

My dear brother and sister, you are not a trend. You are an amazing human being that someone of the opposite sex that’s black, that’s not a dog or gold digger, that’s not trying to run game, that’s not disrespectful, that loves every fiber of your existence, would be honored to be with you. That person exists. No need to subscribe to every online dating website. No need to cleverly position yourself. He will find you, fine black woman, and she will avail herself to you, debonair black man!

Maintain your highest standards always and don’t compromise—I don’t care how fine she is or how limited black men may seem to be!

There’s an old saying: Never get into a fight with an ugly man—because he’s got nothing to lose.

Be that “ugly man” wherever you go.

And don’t choke…




Photo Source: Freepik.com

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Showing 4 comments
  • Rodney L. Johnson

    Excellent post! Yes, there are good men and women out there. It’s mind boggling when you think about how much time, effort, love, and finances we waste on people who are not good for us. Even sadder, some of us when we do get good people in our lives, we don’t know how to treat them. Keep up the good work! If we know better, hopefully we will do better!

    • Kerry Neal

      Amen Rodney!!!!

  • Dryad

    Biblical reference didn’t help, just look at the statistics, as you said. However, thanks for the etymology of anxious.

  • Kerry Neal

    Hi Dryad—I think thr point I’m making is that regardless of the statistics—you don’t have to fall into or be affected by it. Meaning, if you’re trusting God to supply your needs—even when it comes to love—you can maintain high standards knowing that the right person will appreciate who you are and will avail themselves. I am certain that trends and stats don’t move God and I’m suggesting that it shouldn’t move you either. If you’re doing things in your own power, strength and effort, then it will be a numbers game for you. Thus the saying about the ugly man not having anything to lose—you’re moved by your standard not stats. 👌🏾

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