Jealousy and Being In Your Feelings

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So…what does it actually mean to be In Your Feelings?

Simply put, due to an emotional encounter with another person or situation, you might begin to overreact or quite honestly, become somewhat disturbed and express how you feel about a person or a situation, what they might have done, or fearful of what they may do or the impact of the resulting outcome. In some ways, it suggests that you may lower your guard to honestly convey your sentiments, whether your perception of what’s going on is accurate or not.

Now, this is an emotional place where men typically never want to go, whether in private or public, and if they do, it’s most commonly done off the radar in private. Because of course, no man wants to be perceived as a punk…right, men?

Right?

Well, if this is the case, then Keke, KB, Jenny, ‘Resha and JT must all emotionally discombobulated recording artist Drake. I mean, they clearly made an indelible impression on him. So much so that he, along with producers BlaqNmilD and TrapMoneyBenny, created the hit song, “In My Feelings,” that has everyone talking and doing the #InMyFeelingsChallenge which is essentially dancing to the song with certain key moves. Just spend a few minutes on social media and if you’re not familiar with the challenge, it’ll be a matter of moments before you are.

Now to further underscore and highlight the unusual approach that Drake is taking here, take a moment and peruse a portion of the lyrics to the song:

…this s#!@ got me in my feelings

Gotta be real with it, yup

Kiki, do you love me? Are you riding?

Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me

‘Cause I want ya, and I need ya

And I’m down for you always

KB, do you love me? Are you riding?

Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me

‘Cause I want ya, and I need ya

And I’m down for you always

 

‘Resha, do you love me? Are you riding?

Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me

‘Cause I want ya, and I need ya

And I’m down for you always

JT, do you love me? Are you riding?

Say you’ll never ever leave from beside me

‘Cause I want ya, and I need ya

And I’m down for you always

 

Now let’s forget the fact that he’s saying the same thing to different women…but let’s talk about the women he mentioned here. These are NOT fictitious names—all of these women exist and Drake was indeed romantically involved with at least one of them…allegedly.

 

Now of course, it’s not at all unusual for a recording artist to sing songs that convey a strong desire to re-establish love with a woman or make a desperate plea to be with them and commit their full allegiance. From the days of Teddy Pendergrass to Luther Vandross to Keith Sweat to Tank and Trey Songz, we’ve had a nice immersion into the world of love songs of all kinds. And while many of those songs may have been inspired and influenced by past relationships, by in large none of them mention the actual person of inspiration.

 

But Drake does.

 

There seems to be something amazingly freeing about dropping your guard and being honest. In a world where it is hard to tell what agenda and motives people have, I think it’s quite refreshing to just put it out there—this is how I really feel.

 

Now allow me to pivot and share what a few thoughts on the big green monster—jealousy.

 

Jealousy, in its most simplistic form, is the fear of being replaced. Whatever form that may come in. Also, for the record, jealousy and envy are sort of in the same family but not the same. Though both words have meanings that infer feelings of inadequacy, envy wants to take, and jealousy needs to talk.

 

Now let’s talk about you and your relationship or aspirations for a relationship. Is jealousy healthy for a relationship? If you are like most people, your immediate reaction is likely a resounding, “Of course not!” I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a person who’s jealous all the time?

 

How about we take an alternative view of jealousy. Just go with me for a second.

 

Although Drake’s song isn’t directly about jealousy, he clearly wants confirmation that the desired person is truly up for the commitment. In some ways, that’s what jealousy is—wanting affirmation that you are still number one. While packaged in a variety of ways, it’s an honest expression that suggests that something is going on and the commitment is being threatened.

 

Consider the following:

 

 

  • It builds a stronger understanding of your mate. Regardless if a person’s jealousy is a derivative of previous negative experiences that were never fully addressed, you now have a better sense of what makes your partner tick.

 

  • Helps to build boundaries in ways you likely never thought were necessary. It is said that we typically hurt those who are closest to us. It’s so easy to take your partner for granted. Communicating how you feel about a variety of things can lead to a very harmonious relationship.

 

  • Relationship refinement, which means, exploring what bothers each other within the relationship for the sake of emotional continuity that leads to better intimacy and closeness.

 

Now, the flip side of not respectfully sharing your feelings of jealousy—can lead to a destructive force within the relationship. Typically, unexpected and unclarified reactions can easily put your partner on the defense and make it difficult to rebuild or re-establish relational harmony.

 

In summary, jealousy is a way of being honest about feeling replaceable. But of course, it’s important to drill down and unpack the packaging of jealousy. Just drop your ego and share your vulnerabilities.

 

If Drake can do it, so can you.

 

 

 -Kerry

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