Part 4 – Transformation

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This blog is the fourth part of a five-part series that supports the theme of our Summer Event and our Fall Master Class Series: “How Your Past is Hindering Your Future”

As mentioned on August 1, I decided it was time for me to be very transparent and share my past experiences as I have made a commitment to being a “Keeper” and the only way to being a “Keeper” is to not let my past hinder my future.

Let’s continue with Part IV of the Series: Transformation

In my previous parts in this series, I have shared my dating experiences and after experiencing so many breakups I decided to just work harder at my job believing that the more money I made, the happier I could make my life and I could retire earlier than most at 55 instead of 65 or even 70 years of age.

I started working longer hours at my job and even worked long shifts during the holiday seasons. I found comfort in food and jewelry shopping. In fact, one year, I worked through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and rewarded myself by going on a shopping spree the day after Christmas and I bought a ruby jewelry suite in honor of my maternal grandmother named Ruby.

I kept up a façade for a short time (six years) as most people who knew and met me during this time of my life saw a single successful black woman who seemingly had a nice life: I had a great job, I owned real estate, and I had a Passport that was full of stamps from 12 countries as I took vacations to places around the world just about every year since 2005. I dated a few men during this time but there was nothing serious going on with anyone.

But the reality was that about five years ago, I actually felt that my life had become stagnant: Perhaps I was experiencing a mid-life crisis and while I could look back on some nice accomplishments, I was ready for new challenges and transitions with life: I was ready for a new career path and I was ready to be in a relationship that would lead to marriage.

Of course, my first thought was perhaps I could meet a man who could change my life and I could just settle into a new life as everything would just fall into place.

One of the first things that most people think about when preparing for or thinking about marriage, are the characteristics or qualities of the person they would like to marry. Some people think about how they want their potential husband or wife to look – perhaps they think about such things as hair and skin color. Some men may look for a wife who is an excellent cook, and some women may look for a husband who is very religious.

Nonetheless, most people, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or expect from their potential husband or wife. And while this is good and perhaps a very necessary part of the marriage search, few people ever sit down with the same purposefulness and care in order to enumerate their own qualities and characteristics or just think about whether they, themselves, are the kind of people that someone else with just as high expectations or ideals would want to marry.

I decided to have a talk with God and my conscious and I asked myself a really important question: If I were someone else at this moment right now, would I marry me?

Being very honest and Keeping it 100, the answer was NO.

I was completely lost in translation and it was time for Stephanie to begin the journey of transformation and become the best version of herself.

Getting this process started was certainly no easy task, I had to begin to tackle the things I wanted to change in my life piece by piece and day by day.

I consider myself a spiritual person and I do believe that once we decide that we are ready for changes in our lives in mind, soul, body, and spirit, the universe (and God) will respond by bringing people and circumstances in our lives to enable us to “wake up” and get us focused for those changes to happen.

As I was beginning my transformation I made a new male friend and a new female friend who helped me to move forward in making changes in my life and these two people will forever in my heart be my best friends for life and I remain grateful for their influence.

With all due respect, there was nothing wrong with my current friends, meeting these two new friends was just a part of my transformation and both of these individuals were actually connected to other friends that I had known for many years. It was all about timing.

There have been internal, external, and spiritual changes with my transformation over the last five years:

Internal Change: It was time for a career change and after a six-month search, I found a new job that provides the work-life balance I very much needed.

External Change: I made lifestyle changes in my eating and exercise habits and lost 100 pounds over the course of a year.

Spiritual Change: I decided to tap into my intuition more and think about the other things I wanted to accomplish as I always wanted to teach one day and I decided to go back to school and get a second Master’s Degree in teaching.  I am trusting in the Universe: when it’s time for me to teach I will make that transition.

I certainly have other philanthropic interests I have become involved in such as Keeping it 100, and there are still other interests that I have: I am mapping the course to make those things happen as I live day to day.

The big take away here is that I believe that you attract what you are and not what you want when you are not the best version of yourself.

I am committed to continuing the path of being the best version of myself as it is an ongoing process for the remainder of my life…


Just KeepingIt100,

– Stephanie


Stay tuned for the finale:

Part V: The Journey to Becoming a Keeper


Photo Source: Freepik

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