Getting out of the Friend Zone, A Guide for Men and Women

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“I Only See You as a Friend”

Yikes! We have all been there…it does not feel good at all when we think we have met someone we like and see a potential future with and we hear this phrase, “I Only See You as a Friend”.

Before I begin, let me level set by first just saying that I am not going to talk about people who perpetually pick someone of the opposite sex that is a terrible fit because they pick abusive, selfish, and drama filled potential partners. Nope, not going there this time. I am going to discuss the scenarios that most of us have experienced and some thoughts around how to find “the one” or better yet, “be found”.

Men and women are both guilty of compartmentalizing someone and a lot of times, we just do this in general when we first meet people. 

Bottom line: All of us are being compartmentalized as friends, potentials, etc. We all do this.

Sometimes you can change someone’s mind and yes, it does depend upon timing and getting to know someone. I am not guaranteeing anything here, but I think that these tips will increase the chances you may have to get out of friend zone.

Tips for Women

Sometimes it takes a while for a man to realize he’s into a woman romantically. This is typically true if the woman is very much like “one of the guys.” He’ll friend zone her immediately and then she has to figure out how to get out. When it comes to knowing how to get out of the friend zone with a man, you first have to understand why he put you there. Many men think that if there isn’t an initial “spark” then they shouldn’t think of a woman in a romantic way. They put her aside in their mind as a friend and then have a hard time seeing her in a different light. A man will also friend zone a woman if he’s known her for a very long time. Here are my tips:

  • Do not talk to him about other women: Don’t be the person he goes to in order to get advice about other women he likes. He’ll never see you as one of those women otherwise.
  • Look Amazing When You See Him: This may seem shallow, but it’s only because men are very visual. While women tend to connect emotionally with people, men connect physically first. That means if you look amazing and sexy to him, he’ll start thinking of you in that way. Many women just dress comfortably and wonder why their friend won’t see them as more. Look good and you’ll notice a shift in his behavior.
  • Be Flirty: It does not mater how long you have been friends, being flirty makes a man think about more than being friends with you, even if its in the moment.
  • Be Confident: Confidence is what starts the emotional connection with men, period. Women who have the right amount of confidence are more attractive to men. Confidence is what keeps men interested beyond the physical attraction.
  • Date other Men:  I know this sounds counterproductive, but think of it as showing him what could be his. Date other men and enjoy the company, if the guy you are trying to be more than friends with notices that he has some competition, it just may awaken his senses…if not, guess what? Someone else will take the opportunity!

Tips for Men

Unfortunely, men have a tougher challenge here. It’s because women have a true knack for deciding how far a man can potentially go with her when they first meet a man. Women can sense a man’s  panache and immediately know if they connect with the guy at hello. Some men actually can change this immediate perception if they are savvy enough to display the right personality traits and charm a woman. Other men unfortunately, strike out immediately and never get another chance. Here are my tips:

  • Give the Woman Your Undivided Attention: If you are seeing the woman you like in person have a  conversation doing absolutely nothing but giving her your attention. If you do this every time you’re with her, she will always be left with the experience that YOU are respectful and you’ll stand out. Around others, she’s used to being ignored, side-tracked or with them on their cell phones, far too busy to stop and just connect.
  • Practice Self Improvement: Women are attracted to a man’s ambition, sense of passion, purpose and of course, his confidence. In the real world, I hear women complaining about how narcissistic, opinionated, controlling and stuck some men are. Men who have the ability to be vulnerable, open and receptive to critique is refreshing. No one wants to date a “know-it-all” type. If you’re truly interested in getting out of the friend zone, a great place to start is to get interested in your self-development, and really take on learning new skills.
  • Have A Sense of Humor: Laughter is a way to a woman’s heart… If she’s always laughing when you’re together, having fun and sharing common interests, you’ll be out of that friend zone before you know it. If you practice listening and she shares that she loves hot yoga, pay attention. You can surprise her by suggesting a hot yoga hang out at the hottest new yoga studio she hasn’t tried yet. She will recognize that you’re paying attention to the things that matter to her creating a common and comfortable ground with her. Finding or creating something that only the two of you share, is also an innovative way for you to create the opportunity to spend time with her and create a common bond which could turn into a welcome and romantic opportunity down the road.
  • Assess Your Interactions: If you feel that you are building a connection with a woman, seize the moment, do not rush things. You will find that she may start calling you to join her at events and functions. You definitely want to be the man she thinks of when her company has a upscale holiday party, or she has tickets for a NBA game, or a great concert. These are signs you are moving out of the friend zone. Trust me.
  • Just Bust a Move: When you meet a woman you’re attracted to, make your move and do not hold back. All that you will lose is a friendship and if you are honest, a new friendship was most likely not what you wanted when you approached her anyway. If you want her, go for it. There is much to gain and very little to lose.

Wishing my fellow Keepers the very best on the journey forward…

Just KeepingIt100,


Photo Source: Freepik

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