Let’s define reality.
Reality: “The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.”
Another stab at defining reality: “A thing that is actually experienced or seen, especially when this is grim or problematic.”
And…once more: “A thing that exists in fact, having previously only existed in one’s mind.”
Pause. Ponder. Let that sink in.
Now apply these definitions to the person you are either considering dating or currently dating/in a relationship with.
My dear readers of this blog—the inability to properly apply reality to your personal relationship and or relationship goals can be damaging.
Case in point—I once heard a relationship expert talk about the seven-year itch in marriage. As you know, the seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage. This often causes an aloofness within the relationship that typically leads to disengaging from their partner, often leading to cheating or simply divorce.
However, this particular relationship expert has a very different view of the seven-year itch, suggesting that it often takes people about seven years to arrive at the conclusion that the person that they married is exactly who they are and are likely not to change. This is not necessarily suggesting that either partner has some dysfunctional issue—but rather that their personality traits, tendencies, quirks, and view of the world is pretty much hard-wired for the most part. And, if this is the case, this is the defining moment where the person must decide if they are going to remain with their spouse in full acceptance of who they are.
For KeepingIt100LA, we talk a great deal about commitment. With that said, we try to also help people who are seeking a long-term relationship commitment determine if the person they have in mind is in fact suitable for the long haul, and, marriage.
With this in mind, let’s look at and consider 5 Relationship Realities to Remember:
- Marriage is not for everyone. This means that to be married and remain married is a decision. Within that decision is a relentless commitment to communicate and remain settled within the relationship even through adversity. This adversity does not include abuse and cheating—but rather the grind of becoming and existing as one despite the flaws and differences each partner have. Some people are just not willing to put in the work that is necessary for a marriage to flourish long term. You must gauge this BEFORE you say, “I do.”
- Men and women don’t think alike. Men and women are wired differently, and we often see the basic things in life differently. However, that doesn’t make one person righter than the other. It’s just different. That’s why it’s important to closely listen to their view of the world without framing it within the walls of your world. It just leads to having a must clearer understanding of what makes that person tick.
- Men and women have flaws. Lots of them. We just don’t want to admit them. Even when we do admit to our flaws, we often downplay them. I’ve always said that though we will have our deal breakers, people need space to be human. It’s easy to see people in an amazing light in the beginning because we typically put our best foot forward. But just know that the thoughts of grandeur will come quickly crashing down if you maintain a myopic view of the person you are with or considering being with.
- If you know it’s not going to work out, move on. This seems obvious. But apparently it isn’t. The longer you remain with a person that you’ve determined that you’re not a fit for each other, the more intense and deeper the pain will be when you do sever ties including the collateral damage of remaining. It’s ultimately not worth it. Face the truth and act even if you need a close friend to hold you accountable.
- Even the best relationships have their ups and downs. You show me someone who’s been married 10 years or more and I’ll show you how they have been to hell and back in their marriage. Difficulty in a relationship is part of the refinement process. Sometimes, when going through relationship challenges, it’s helpful to recall why the two of you came together in the first place. Those fond memories can provide an additional boost when faced with relationship adversity.
I hope this helps someone…
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