Sex and Intimacy Part One: Sex Before Commitment

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Hello Keepers,

Its time for me to introduce another new series in my blogs and I decided to focus on the topic of Sex and Intimacy. 

This topic is of major importance as there are so many definitons and interpretations of this topic and I wanted  offer some perspectives by discussing topics related to sex and intimacy that many of us have experienced, questioned, cherished, and even regretted.

I hope you enjoy the journey with me…

Sex before Commitment

The first installment in this series is called Sex before Commitment. Speaking as a lady, many of us have been taught and even follow the principal rule that we should not have sex with a man until we have a commitment from him. In some cases that means abstinence even before marriage.

Well, in most cases, its absolutely true, a woman should not sleep with a man on the first date…or even too soon before really getting to know a man and many of us have heard about the “90 Day Rule” in which a woman engages in sex with a man after 90 days and its assumed that a man is or should be committed to her. We are taught to ask and even demand the verbal commitment from a man and when we “hear” his words saying he is “commited” we believe we have “a relationship” but really his “words” mean nothing without actions to back it up. Many women, including myself have experienced this and it’s a painful experience. 

The truth is, demanding no sex before commitment feels controlling to most men and actually can push them away because they feel that we do not trust them. So the men bolt not because of lack of sex, but lack of trust, vulnerability and self-confidence that leads to lack chemistry.  You come across hardened and closed off (intimacy phobic aka emotionally unavailable).  Furthermore he sniffs issues, drama and hang ups from a mile away.  He sniffs skewed expectations and he knows they won’t stop there.  These women will issue more demands, more expectations, more needs for reassurances. That’s why most men with options bolt when a woman uses sex as tool for power struggle, to declare who has the upper hand in the courtship. They know from past experience it goes downhill from there.  These women are control freaks.

The truth is, the right time to have sex with a man is when you have established an emotional connection with him, its organic and natural for both of you. Men want to be around a woman who trust, appreciate, and respect them. In other words, most masculine men want a woman they can easily relate to.  They look for romantic connection and for a man sex is the best way to gauge it, otherwise they’ll never know if they are friend zoned or not. We all know that women connect with men emotionally after sex, but to be honest, men connect on a deeper level with the woman they like/love through physical intimacy, aka sex. 

A man will reveal his emotional connection to you through his actions: he will introduce you to his friends and family, he spends loads of time with you,  he wants to make you happy, etc. These are just examples, but more importantly, a man will commit to you without you asking, you never have to guess how he feels or where the relationship is going, it will be organic and feel wonderful….

As I have mentioned before, men like to be around a woman who makes them feel good: she becomes the woman he can not imagine not having in his life…

Just KeepingIt100,


Part II: Why Men Pull Away

Part III: Friends with Benefits

Part IV: He Says/She Says

Part V: Relationship Goals

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Showing 2 comments
  • Kerry Neal

    Wow—great blog and I have a few thoughts. I’d say for men that I know (and I’m a man), when we actually verbalize commitment, that’s when we are committed. Not necessarily our actions. Second, I think you have a great point that men might feel that you’re trying to run things by setting expectations of when sex occurs or not. That said, I think more refined men indeed understand that sex rules are there for the woman to protect herself. I actually think men do get that. Now whether they are willing to concede to it and stick around is another thing. I absolutely know men that will say, “Now let me get this straight—no sex for 90 days or until you determine that there’s an emotional connection but you want me to wine and dine you on my dollar in the meantime?” Anyway, love the blog!

    • Stephanie L Farmer

      Great feedback!!!!! I hope others chime in…😊

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