I have a riddle for you…here we go.
What is the difference between a married couple and a divorced couple?
Think about it…it is not a trick question.
Come on, think hard.
Give up? OK—here is the answer.
NOTHING. Married couples and divorced couples are EXACTLY the same. The only difference is that the married couple is still married, and the divorced couple got a divorce.
Now—why the similarity and distinction?
I hear unmarried people who aspire to marry one day always talking about what they will not tolerate—as if their life is ideal in every way and resort to being suspicious of the other person. And don’t throw out the drama or baggage word—oh Lordy no—God forbid that we’d even consider someone with who we perceive has one or both.
Well, here is a reality check that some of you out there need to hear, and yes—I plan to touch on the whole Derrick Jaxn situation—but probably not in the way you think I might.
The reality check is this: Though you may admire couples that have been married 20, 30, 40 years plus and they are gracefully growing old together, it is not farfetched that we’d sit back and admire them and desire that kind of marital longevity for ourselves, particularly if we have never been married. But the reality is that all those dealbreakers that many of you swear by and that you’d never stick around for, are, for the most part, the very things these couples have gone through—and were able to find a way to remain together. Ask any couple that has been married a long time.
Let’s revisit the whole vow situation: traditionally, the vows are stated for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do we part. Still, if you are uttering these words, with witnesses present (that would be the people you’ve invited to the wedding…I know that you may view them exclusively as guests attending your wedding, but they are eyewitnesses of the vow you’re making; very similar to someone witnessing a crime taking place and can provide an account of precisely what happened), it is understood that nothing in life, regardless if we are at our best self or not, the union will remain intact.
Now, before the avalanche of blowback kicks in, this is not an endorsement for anyone to remain in a situation when their life is threatened (this is not just referring to women; there’s a huge domestic violence problem as well that’s incited by women that rarely gets attention, mainly because men never follow through and report it) or sit back and tolerate their spouse relentlessly cheating without regard for the marriage and the other spouse. We must exercise some common sense here as well. And though the Bible tells us that God hates divorce, He also permitted it because some men completely took advance of women and their ironclad commitment to never to leave once married. However, I am referring to the people who have this grandiose view of what marriage is, as if it is the ultimate achievement in life, and you can leave that “miserable” state of being single in the past. The moment conflict arises—which in many cases are just the differences of the two starting to emerge more clearly and frequently, people tend to think they have been bamboozled (like Plymouth Rock landed on them) and married the wrong person.
The long and short of it—everyone is imperfect, and we all have some form of baggage and drama on some level; it is just a matter of time before it surfaces. And the marital union reveals EVERYTHING—the good, bad, and ugly.
In the past couple of weeks, one of the hottest trending topics of 2021 has got to be automobile relationship expert Derrick Jaxn—who refers to himself as a person who exposes the games men run on women. Recently, he went public with a confession and shared that he had been cheating on his wife for years. While this was a shock, many people were unsure if he was in an exclusive relationship, let alone marriage. Nevertheless, Derrick Jaxn also shared that he and his wife were working through their differences as they were rebuilding their marriage. Then it is rumored that he was still in contact with other women and had not yet left his adulterous ways.
I want to reiterate that the continuous cheating is only speculative—but Derrick Jaxn did attempt to sell his relationship books the day after announcing he had adulterous encounters. As a result of his efforts to push book sales providing relationship advice, many felt the gesture to engage his followers after announcing that he had been very hypocritical was evidence that he was not remorseful for his actions, but rather a public relations ploy to downplay his unfaithfulness. And, of course, the internet had a field day with all kinds of memes and jokes about his situation.
Listen, the significant blowback Derrick Jaxn has received, and disappointment of millions, is warranted—he was guilty of the very thing he built his business of relationship advice on. I get it.
Derrick Jaxn and his wife, from all indications, are still together. She has made it clear that they have their proverbial cards on the table, and according to Derrick Jaxn, has come clean regarding everything, and they are pushing forward. And while this may very well be the end of his relationship advice career on social media, if he is sincere and these other perpetual relationships that he is involved in are entirely made up and conjecture, perhaps he will be successful saving his marriage and keeping his family intact.
To make it clear, I certainly am not condoning what he did. It’s not right, and it shatters trust—which is the glue to any relationship. That said, what we can take away from this is that, despite his missteps, and a clear contradiction of his vows to be faithful to one woman, they appear to be upholding the portion of the vows that state: For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do we part.
Picture Courtesy of Black Couple Revolution (IG)