Just the other day, while Instagram surfing, I came upon a “live.” It was an exchange between a self-proclaimed relationship expert and a woman wanting his advice.
Her question was, “How long do you have to remain with the person that you’re dating before you see red flags?” The relationship expert chuckled and said, “There is no timeframe on it. When you see the red flags, that’s the time.” Then he wrapped up his comments by saying, “All bullshit has a shelf life!”
I know what some of you are thinking—what a dumb question. How can the reality of what a person’s true intentions are be limited to a timeframe? On some level, I would agree that the answer to that inquiry is obvious; however, what I found more striking was that this person chose to defer to a timeline than her own sense of judgment.
Then I heard a relatively famous person on IG (definitely an influencer—she has the highly coveted blue checkmark on her IG profile) and she asked the rhetorical question: “How can a man be a great person, an amazing human being, treat others with dignity, yet will treat you like %#@&??? She then went on to refer to men like this as “F-Up men.”
Instead of spending time with a person that CLEARLY won’t treat you the way you desire to be treated, how about using that tactic potential car buyers (should) use when they aren’t getting their desired price for the vehicle they want to buy?
What’s that tactic? It’s called “Walking away.”
I’m not sure if spending time marinating over the relationship frustration you are in provides some form of vindication for you—he’s bad and you are not. In the end, especially in the case of this IG influencer, it’s truly a reflection on you to see from a distance there is a mud puddle; you walk into the mud puddle (with clean clothes on) and play around in it, then you are rolling around in the mud puddle, then you complain about muddy clothes and try to find the person responsible for creating the mud puddle (despite the fact you saw it from a distance and knew what you were embarking upon).
Please hear this: if someone does not treat you the way you want to be treated, especially after having clear conversations (meaning, you’ve talked about it and your concerns, and the other party verifiably understands what the issue is), why are you still hanging around this person? It’s time to leave that situation.
You already know what to do. Just do it.
There will be people you will not be a match with, and the same with you for those persons seeking a match. This is not a good nor bad thing—it just is what it is.
One of the reasons it becomes difficult to disconnect from the person that you’re with to ultimately discover it is something that doesn’t work for you is because there’s usually sexual activity early on in the relationship. Often time, early sexual activity is based on and driven by emotions, physical attraction, and preliminary aspects of the other person that are mutually appealing. Yet, this level of intimacy is not anchored in time and substance, which leads to difficulty assessing reality and often time compromising one’s standards because of the sexual/emotional bond.
Men and women—please consider what I am saying. The longer you stay in a not good situation for you, it will be difficult to embrace the forthcoming relationship that would be good for you. It’s essentially self-sabotage.
If a person you are seeing doesn’t want to “take it slow” at a pace that’s comfortable for you, that, my friend, is a classic red flag. Time to move on.
Just do it.
Picture Courtesy of @black.love.couples