Should Women Ask Men Out (on a first date)?

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Should women ask men out on a first date?

Well, in my opinion, it’s a resounding NO, but let’s see what others who are considered experts in the world of dating have to say.

No. No, they should not. Women asking men on first dates can be taken as aggressive, desperate, and masculine. At the very least, it can signify a loss of power. So, I wouldn’t recommend that you ever utter the words, “Would you like to go out with me?” to any men. This doesn’t contradict anything I’ve said before, because God knows, I’m not an advocate of women acting like helpless, shrinking violets. Not at all. But there’s a difference between asking a man out and getting a man to ask you out. I vote strongly for the latter. Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, and Successful Women

Well, that’s one perspective. Here’s another one:

No, it implies she has agency as an autonomous being and has not been brainwashed into an artificial framework where she’s arbitrarily required to accept the social role of being “the passive sex”. And if you’re concerned if the guy will be offended if a woman initiates the date, this will only be the case if he himself buys into the same kind of artificial framework. Be warned that men who buy into this framework and think women are supposed to be passive also tend to have very specific expectations of how the relationship itself will be structured. They tend to think the relationship is supposed to have a “boss”. Hint: it’s not the passive one. Neil Ballou

On one hand, I don’t want to come across an antiquated or anything. However, it seems to me that there is an effort to eliminate gender roles in almost every way possible today. And don’t get me wrong—there’s been enough exploitation of women and suppressing their voice historically that a reckoning was simply a matter of time. But I’m not sure this is an example of perpetuating the dysfunction by suggesting that the man should always initiate a date.

It is my belief that most men have an intrinsic need to lead and be perceived to be strong, while it’s not uncommon for women to have the need to feel protected. And though these feelings can be ushered in by culture, I see the coming together of the two genders as simply a byproduct of the how men are naturally wired. Furthermore, I think, when the man asks and the woman is pursued, I think there’s an affirming validation that occurs when the guy initiates the interest of a woman, as there is for the woman being pursued.

Now don’t get me wrong—of course a woman CAN ask a man out, and there’s no law that says that can’t happen. But I would bet that at some point, the woman wants the man to start to pursue her. In most cases, if the man pursues in the beginning, he won’t depart from that. But if the woman sets the foundation of the relationship, some men may start to feel that they are in a situation that they didn’t actually want, particularly when relationship woes kick in.

Ladies—listen: If a guy wants to ask you out but he’s scared, it’s likely that he’s hesitant for something more than potential rejection. Why? Because though we don’t like being rejected, we as men are pretty much used to it. Our egos get bruised and then we flex our resiliency muscle and ready to engage a new possibility.

Now what I do endorse regarding the woman’s role at the inquiry stage is using whatever method possible to show the guy who may be interested in your positive affirmation that his advances or inquiry of you is welcomed—whether it’s a smile, body language, laughing at his horrible sense of humor, etc.

Finally, we men often get a high off of pursuing what we want and we are successful, because again, that’s how we as men are wired. Men get their sense of esteem from their sense of achievement, so the more you concede to our pursuit, the more affirming it is for the guy. And the more a guy pursues a woman to her delight, I can only imagine how much that builds her personal sense of desirability.

Definity something to think about and consider!


Picture Courtesy of @meetthesimmons

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