Ambiguously Married People

Home / Hump Day / Ambiguously Married People



  1. Open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations.
  2. Of doubtful or uncertain nature; difficult to comprehend, distinguish, or classify
  3. Lacking clearness or definiteness.

Look—I realize most of our Hump Day blog readers are relatively intelligent, so providing the definition of ambiguous was not to insult you but rather offer a foundational basis about today’s blog. Furthermore, blogs typically target unmarried men and women who desire to be in a committed relationship and/or get married someday. That said, I would argue this blog is no exception! It’s just a bit more inclusive with married people as the main point of discussion.

Here we go.

Just the other day, I’m talking to a good friend of mine who tells me about a recent encounter with a woman (that he pursued in the past), and he hadn’t spoken to in some time—a couple of years, to be exact. He shared that though they hadn’t spoken, he recalled the mutual affinity they seem to share for one another, and remembered that her birthday was fast approaching. So he proceeds to send her a text, wishing her a happy birthday, and extending an offer to take her to dinner to catch up. Not long after sending the text message, she responds, seemingly with glee, and expresses her appreciation. Then my friend starts a flirtatious conversation—for a least a minute or so—and makes it clear that they should get together and catch up where they left off two years ago.

After a fairly swift reciprocated cadence of texting, the woman appears to not respond right away. Then, after a few minutes pass, she responds, “You know I’ve been married for a year now, right?” Obviously shocked, he responded with a surprise emoji followed with the statement, “No—of course, I didn’t. I had no clue. My apologies.” She responds, “No worries—great to hear from you, and thanks for the birthday wishes.”

He then engages his social media to peruse her social media accounts on Instagram and Facebook—and just as he thought previously, there were no profile status updates, no marital status updates, no images of her with the opposite sex that would give an impression that at least someone may be in the picture, but her profile did mention that “She’s interested in men.”  And, finally, no images whatsoever showing her wearing a ring that could be seen as an engagement or wedding ring.

Married people, this is a problem.

Just to be clear, if anyone is an advocate for personal privacy, that’s me. No one needs to know what’s going on in your personal life and who you’re dating or considering for a lifelong relationship. It’s your personal space and people need time to figure out these life-changing shifts.

That said, once you ARE married, it’s my opinion the world needs to know. Not that you need to send out a press release, but why would anyone conceal that they are married? Better yet, why would you publicly give an impression that you’re not married?

I have an idea—let’s create an exhaustive list of why married people would not want the world to know that they’re not married. Matter of fact, I’ll start:

  • Unhappily married
  • Loves opposite gender attention (or, same-gender attention, or both)
  • Enables them to be unfaithful
  • Has one foot in married life and another in the single world and trying to determine what their next move is
  • Legitimately believes that being married is one’s personal business and unnecessary to disclose
  • Not receiving quality attention from their spouse so they seek it elsewhere

Now is it just me, or would you agree that any of the above reasons for not disclosing your marital status is profoundly dysfunctional? Also, were you aware that it is estimated that 30 percent of all online dating subscribers are married (men and women—not just men)?

Married people, listen to me—please. Being out here in these single streets is tough enough for those who desire to meet someone for marriage than to have to contend with unhappily married people posing as eligible bachelors and bachelorettes.

Do us (and your spouse) a favor: wear your wedding rings, update your social media that reflects that you’re married, showcase images of your spouse, and even if you are not in a happy marriage, give an impression that you are happy while you’re going through marital counseling and working out those issues in your relationship.

We’d appreciate it.


Picture Courtesy of @ciarranoelle

Related Posts

Leave a Reply