I am getting ready to share a story that does not have a happy ending…and I typically do not like to share stories that have unhappy endings, however, I feel that this is important enough to share.
I decided to title this Blog, “Listen to Your Inner Voice” because at times we can have judgements about a situation or someone that are spot on after careful observation or an experience that did not make us feel good.
Everyone has an inner voice offering guidance, gently and sometimes urgently. Sometimes we listen and other times we brush it aside and think nothing of it. This voice goes by different names: inner voice, inner guide, spiritual guide, inner wisdom, or whatever you choose.
It’s not a voice you hear necessarily, but a sense or a feeling (though it can be a voice for some). It can be a hunch or fleeting feeling, image, or impression. “Listen to your gut” has legitimate basis as your gastrointestinal tract is sensitive to your true emotions, providing a powerful and trustworthy indication when determining the right course of action. After all, the body doesn’t lie.
You don’t have to be an intuitive person to experience this—you are constantly taking in impressions throughout the day with your finely tuned senses and processing them. The shift starts when you begin to pay attention to the impressions and your responses to them. With so many enticing stimuli drawing your attention outward, you may have lost touch with your ability to connect inward. Trust that you have this inner guidance, waiting patiently for you to notice—your personal compass to guide you through the tempestuous waters of life: and that includes relationships with a potential significant other.
Late last week, a female colleague of mine was found dead in her home, and a male suspect was arrested. The male suspect was someone that she knew. The female colleague was a prominent, successful person in her own right and had her whole life ahead of her. Her tragic death has left many in Los Angeles just devastated. How could something so horrifically horrible happen to someone who was so amazing?
Just thinking about my colleague reminded me of another situation that I experienced with a gentleman I had met at my job about 20 years ago and the events that happened afterward.
I attended an after work mixer with some of my colleagues and was introduced to a gentleman who I will call “Mayron” to maintain privacy. Mayron was a very handsome guy, who had a Master’s degree in health administration from the school I also attended. He was divorced and had two small children who were in grade school. I was introduced to him by a mutual friend who felt that he and I would be a match.
Well, Mayron was certainly someone who looked like a “catch” on paper as well as in person, but the moment I shook his hand, I felt like there was something very cold about his personality. He was not completely rude, but he was not overly friendly either…hmmm…I was not feeling him at all. So later that week after the mixer, my friend asked me if I was interested in him enough to reach out and connect, I told her no, as I felt like the interaction I had with Mayron was not enough to warrant reaching out. I kept my other thoughts to myself.
Well, about a year after I met Mayron, there were a chain of events that happened that shocked us all:
• Mayron left the company I was working for to start a career in teaching about three months after I met him.
• Within the year, he had an argument with his ex-wife after he dropped their children off at her place.
• This argument turned into something major: Mayron began beating on his ex-wife and as she tried to run along with the kids, he shot and killed his ex-wife.
• A neighbor also was shot but survived the shooting.
• Mayron turned himself in to the police and was sentenced to 59 years in prison for the murder of his ex-wife and mother of his children.
I will say that you can never judge a book by its cover, and it’s not always easy to know if someone you are meeting could potentially do harm to you or anyone in such a way that it would lead to the situation I just shared. But here are some thoughts that I do want to share:
- It’s important to take the time to get to know someone, no matter what they look like or what their credentials are: it’s about content of character more than anything else.
- Not only should you observe someone’s behavior in private, but you should observe them in public as well: How do they treat wait staff at a restaurant? Do they hate a parent? Are they bitter about a previous relationship and need healing from it?
- Does the person have a temper or temperament that you can tolerate? No one should have to walk on eggshells in a relationship with someone. Toxic is not normal, Toxic is toxic.
Circling back to my colleague and her tragic death this past week, there is a lot that I do not know and I certainly do not want to speculate on except that this amazing woman’s life was cut short, and we must always be at our best selves with each other because life really is short and tomorrow is not always promised.
To my fellow Keepers, I just want to advise you: listen to your inner voice no matter what form it comes in, it could save your life.
Just Keeping it 100,
Picture Courtesy of @kristysarah