Does Someone Have You, “Smokin’ Out the Window?”

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You have to give it up to Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak, also known as Silk Sonic.

They’ve come up with the latest smash hit song entitled, “Smokin’ Out the Window,” which they collectively sing about their frustrations with a proverbial woman in which they concede their resources, patience, capacity to love—all to be ultimately taken advantage of.

Now, I know none of the readers out there have experienced this, not handed out this form of insensitive and selfish treatment. 

But if you are in this conversation, here are a few tips to ensure that you don’t become a backup singer with Bruno Mars and Anderson .Paak on this song:

·       Recognize that people are likely most emotionally vulnerable during the holidays—that includes YOU: keep a clear head and always check in with your circle of friends—and talk about what you might be feeling that could make you susceptible to a man or woman who does not have your best interest at heart.

·       Get people on the record: This means before diving into a deeper level of involvement with a person, ask specific and clear questions that will give YOU the green, red, or yellow light in terms of moving forward. It’s not uncommon for a person to date for months and then finally inquire where they stand in terms of an exclusive relationship. Some people believe that because they swap bodily fluids on a regular and take trips together that makes it a relationship when it might just be your turn!

·       Beware of premature sex: What is premature sex? Premature sex is the investment of your body with another person as the two of you frequently snatch each other souls but have no idea what kind of exclusivity relates to your arrangement. I also recognize that there are people who like to keep it mysterious and ambiguous. Do you know what I say to those people? This blog isn’t for you. There are no rules when you don’t insist on having guardrails for access to your body, heart, and emotions. Moreover, sex early on (especially if the sex is REALLY good) will have you blurring the lines to your standards and going for things that you probably wouldn’t tolerate. Why? Because now you are viewing everything through the lenses of the next possible orgasm.

·       In most cases, whatever happens in a relationship, you’ve allowed to happen: In the Silk Sonic song, Bruno Mars’ pre-chorus to the song is, “This bitch got me paying her rent, paying for trips, diamonds on her neck, diamonds on her wrist—and here I am all alone…” Well, she ain’t got you doing any of that. She doesn’t control you—YOU control you. Take ownership and begin to make better sobering decisions about what you want. Find a good therapist to talk this stuff out and work through issues that may be dormant that stems from your childhood.

Please heed this advice. I’d hate to see you inserted into one of the background singers of the remix of this song.


picture Courtesy of @BlackCoupleRevolution

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